Heyyyyyy... It's been awhile.
But I'm still here.
Not a lot new happening around here... still getting use to everything. Still trying to get into a routine. Still trying to keep up with the laundry. Still trying to be content.
Isn't that dumb??
Here I am.. new baby, sweet husband, roof over my head, risen Savior. Yet I am not content. I want more. I want better. I want.
And it is wearing me out and convicting me. I am so glad Jesus never leaves me the same. Especially when I don't make time for Him and when I am an ungrateful brat.
I have mentioned before that my husband is in Seminary. This is great! But can come with some things that we have had to work through. For starters... we sometimes feel like we are in a holding pen. He is learning, learning, learning for like this future life that we have ahead of us... ministry. Which seems so stupid because we are already involved in a church here and we are actively involved in a ministry here. But the time will come when Sam graduates, and in our minds, we will hopefully be placed in a church where Sam will serve in some capacity and where our family will serve alongside him. But for now.. we are invested in our church but we struggle with being content in this season, waiting on the future to play out.
And that's just it. This is a season.
A season of growing and learning.
Learning that we should not be waiting for this "magic ministry" to begin once seminary is complete, but serving and loving people now in what seems like our "holding pen".
Learning to be content and thankful for our VERRRRYYYY nice seminary apartment instead of wanting a house.
Learning to love the home decor that I have and looking for ways to repurpose and make our apartment feel more homey.
Learning to be okay with staying home and eating simple meals instead of going out to dinner and a movie at Movie Tavern (yumm)
Learning that we have all our needs met, and then some.
Lots of things to work through. But mostly, I am learning a really big lesson since becoming a mother.
When I think about my spiritual life... I feel discouraged. I want to know more and be able to comprehend the Bible and church history better. And this takes lots of time and diligence (C'MON, CHRISTIANS! WE CAN DO THIS!), and when I start to get discouraged and start to not want to read and study, this is the convo I have in my head..
"How will you ever be a good mother and be able to teach your children how to love the Lord when you don't know His Word yourself? You must get into God's Word in order to be a better wife and mother."
And this is good.
And this is bad.
My motive is so bad.
I want Ruth {and future children, if so blessed} to be able to see Christ in me, and I want to be able to teach them His Word, but this is totally the wrong heart motive. I should, first and foremost, want to study and learn His Word because I love Him and want to know Him more.
So convicting.
So here I am. Praying that He would help me to love Him better. That He would teach me to know Him better and to give me a passion for Him without needing any reason behind it. Just to know Him.
Because He really is what this life is about. And He really is real and true and full of grace. Jesus was a real man that came and died for the sins of the world and conquered death. His truth is real and active, and I am so thankful He never quits.
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I can't help it. She's so cute! |