Decisions.

With becoming a wife and a mother (heck, with becoming a woman!) comes lots of "opportunities" to make decisions.

I am the worst at decision making. I second guess myself constantly. And I, of course, have to check and see what everyone and their dog has to say about a subject on the know-it-all... GOOGLE.

Since welcoming Ruth into our family, more decisions have come. 

Do I use a pacifier?

How often should I swaddle?

When is the right time to start using our cloth diapers?

How often should I nurse?

Do I already let her sleep the 6 hours at night that she will?

When do we go back to church?

Do I take her to the nursery?

Then there are future questions..

When do start food?

What food to start?

Do we homeschool?

How do we homeschool?

How do I talk to her about sex?

I. DRIVE. MYSELF. CRAZY.

I also do this with managing my home. I am trying to get better at being frugal and saving money on groceries by making things from scratch, but even this brings about many decisions. 

Do I buy organic? Can we afford for me to buy organic? Should I follow a more holistic approach to food? What's the deal with coconut oil? Liver Cod Oil? What is the perfect wheat bread to use for sandwiches (that doesn't fall apart?!) How do I get my picky husband to branch out when it comes to food? Should we follow Dave Ramsey to the T?

Do you think I am crazy yet?! I do.

With all of these choices, I am learning that I have to just BREATHE.

One thing at a time. 

I often feel like I have to have every last thing figured out all at once. But I am learning (despite being told a thousand times) that everything is a process. And I cannot expect myself to know it all. Should I try to be a steward of my family, home, and everything else that God has bestowed upon me? Yes. But I can only do my best and, in it all, try my hardest to glorify the Lord.

Does anyone else find themselves overwhelmed with decisions like this?

And most importantly, does anyone have any answers to my questions? :)

-T

P.S. My husband cracked up at all of the questions and said that this is only about an eighth of my brain! He knows me well :)

The Making of A Mother.

The Lord has been so good to me these past few weeks. I really cannot describe it. I know He is always near, but there are times when you just FEEL His presence unmistakably. And these have been times like that.

Motherhood has not met my expectations.

It has exceeded them.

But not with what I expected.

I have been more mentally challenged than I have been in my entire life this past month.

Whether it was waiting for her to be born, going through 35 hours of labor, or late night feedings trying to figure out my baby's cries.

AND life is so good.

With all the challenges that have come, God has graciously met me step-by-step, and I know that I have been in contact with my Maker. Because there is absolutely NO WAY I can do this on my own.

Sanctification at its finest.

What a beautiful word to sing about, speak about theologically, and even pray for,

but during seasons of felt sanctification, it can feel like your head is just above the water, and that you have no idea how you aren't drowning. And this is His grace. He holds us. He doesn't let go. He has ample strength for the long haul when we don't.

"For just as you presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification." Romans 6:19

Paul is writing to the Romans telling them that they must either be in service to sin or to God. Because they had believed in Christ, He directs them in that they must CONTINUALLY put off that slavery to sin and become salves to God in obedience. 

Even when it's tough.

Even when you don't want to obey.

Even when you don't think you can.

Look to HIM.

Although there are many things I have learned in the past month, the biggest one has been that any illusion that I had dreamed that motherhood would be like was wayyyy off. 

Because it wasn't true.

 It wasn't raw. 

It wasn't REAL.

I can honestly say with a clear conscience...

The real thing is way better.

Motherhood is the BEST.

Forever Praise.

This CD is just beautiful! You should all buy it. This is my personal fav song that I can't get off repeat. Enjoy!

One Year Anniversary.

One year ago today I married the man of my dreams. The man I prayed years to have. The man I love waking up to every morning. The father of my baby. The man I am so proud to call husband. To many more years!

My Amazzinggg Husband. And the Sweet Baby that Made Me A Mother.

First day back to work. Wanted a photo to remember the day that our life really transitioned to me being at home.

This man. Ohh this man!

I have heard people say that even when you thought you couldn't love your husband any more, he becomes the father of your children. 

I concur!

He was my rock through over 30 hours of labor. Not sleeping for over 48 hours. He sacrificed, showed me the love of Christ so perfectly when I needed it most. He makes Ruthie feel so loved and at peace. My favorite view is her asleep on his chest. He went back to work yesterday for the first time since she was born, and he is making huge sacrifices for me to be able to stay home and care for her, despite working full-time and going to seminary full-time. 

This is my man. 

And I can't quit thanking the Lord for giving me to him.

Now, let the photos of Ruthie commence!

She is holding her daddy's finger. This is right after she was born.

We handed out Baby Ruth candy bars to visitors and nurses :)

Ready to go home!

First family photo

Sam was reading to her from her Bible. She was so still and attentive!

Her coming home outfit I made her.

Baby Burrito!

She really liked her Moby Wrap!

We went for a short walk :)

She snoozed right through her ONE WEEK birth time :)

 Where is the time going?! I am trying my hardest to soak it all up. Like right now. I am going to go get some cuddles in :) 

-T

Ruth.

More to come. She's just perfect.

-T

The Waiting Game.

No baby. 

Yet.

She has to come out sometime.

Right??

In the midst of trying to be content and at peace, I am reminded that I cannot do it on my own. Only through Christ. And He came and lived among man and understands all that humanity goes through. Not that He was pregnant and was waiting for an egg to hatch... but He definitely knew the Waiting Game. Waiting to play His part. Waiting to be our Propitiation. Still waiting to return to take His Bride home. Why would we, as Christians, ever feel alone? Why would we ever feel as if we don't have a friend that knows how we feel in the deepest part of our hearts?

Thank You, Jesus!